The Ask

Or, how to get what you really, really want.

When I look back at my life so far, a few themes pop up over and over again. I’m guessing you’d say the same. One of mine is that so many of the good things that have happened for me have all started with The Ask.

San Diego River at sunrise

I’ve always followed my curiosity and interests, and I’d advise anybody to go where the energy is, because it means you’re staying true to your heart. Over time there have been things I was interested in, and even thought I’d be good at despite no experience (the how of that’s for another post), so I mustered up some courage and reached out.

Example: I had jumped ship from my job as controller at a commercial screen printer in San Francisco (think billboards, not t-shirts), and had started getting clients who needed help with their business finances. I soon realized I had an affinity for entrepreneurship, and started reading this great local paper geared toward women in business.

One day I thought, I’d love to write for it. I hadn’t written freelance ever, and had exactly one publishing credit (a personal essay in an anthology about eating), but other than that, nada. Despite that I decided to cold-email the publisher and pitch her on me. I had the one clip, no freelance experience, and I don’t remember how I put it, but I crafted The Ask and hit send.

Then, crickets. Which was okay, since I didn’t think I had a huge chance of hearing back, and was mostly operating in what-the-hell mode. (I’m not even joking when I say that many of the biggest decisions of my life have started with phrase.) So I got back to growing my fledgling business.

A month later, on a Saturday, I got an email from the publisher. Her cover story writer had fallen through, and press time loomed. Could I be in Berkeley in an hour to interview a local businesswoman and turn in 1,200 words on Monday?

Sure, I can do that! (Another theme, by the way.) I changed my clothes, grabbed a recorder and notepad, and met the publisher at the business. I interviewed the delightful woman (a sushi chef, female in a male-dominated industry), wrote the piece, and turned it in on Monday. Miracle of miracles, the publisher loved it.

That piece led to a long working relationship (and friendship) with the publisher, for whom I wrote many, many features, and she even ended up giving me a monthly column, which was a blast. That writing gig was the first of many.

There are other times when I had little to no experience but made The Ask anyway, and they often led to transformative experiences and opportunities. (An amazing job with a Bay Area nonprofit, a band and CD, working for The Feminist Press in New York, etc.)

The reason I’m telling you this is because I just did it again. (Insert Britney Spears reference here.)   My mother and I are involved with a few nonprofits and NGOs, and one I feel especially connected to only operates internationally, and I thought, wouldn’t it be fantastic if they offered their services here in the States? And maybe I could help with that? I’ve been wanting a big, juicy project, something I could really dig into, and it seemed perfect.

Do I have any experience bringing an international NGO to the U.S.? Of course not! Why would that be useful? Oof. But I do have experience in their field (microenterprise training), a deep passion for the good that can come from it, and great respect for the leadership team.

So, I asked. We were on a Zoom call and I said, have you thought about getting into the U.S. market? Seems like it could be a great fit, and here are my thoughts and ideas, x, y, z.

Well. Turns out they had been wanting to get into the North American market for awhile, but had been waiting to find the right person to lead the project. Here’s the most amazing thing: they believe that person is me.

Am I thrilled? For sure. Overwhelmed and a bit freaked out at the sheer scope of the project? Definitely. But am I confident I can do what needs to be done, working in tandem with their team, and start helping vulnerable women gain strength and confidence to improve their lives, and the lives of their families and communities? Yes. I am.

I’m going to stop here - you’ll be hearing more about this project as it goes - but I have a question for you: What’s one thing you really, really want? What would happen if you asked for it? Maybe you don’t even need to ask someone else, maybe it’s just you needing to give yourself permission to go for it. What could that look like? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.